This week's anthology piece by Kate Swatridge is a story of resilience in the run-up to her due date and beyond. READY OR NOT is a compelling and rhythmic piece of writing about the pressure to be induced, and the questions that Kate had to cope with as a so-called ‘older mum’.
Kate says, ‘I’d been toying with various ideas for my piece but none of them felt quite right. The deadline was approaching, and I was feeling anxious about producing something. I ditched my notebook and picked up my laptop one cold and rainy February afternoon. I had to write something and fast! I glanced at the date on the screen and realised that it was a year to the day since my baby had been 'due’. The memories of that period came flooding back, and I started to type. To my surprise, I drafted most of Ready or Not in that one sitting. I literally heard my own voice, recounting events. It was a wonderful experience to write so easily - at last!’
The way that Kate describes the process of working on her piece is testament to what happens when we write from a personal place – and the joy of flow. Enjoy Ready or Not here.
***
Ready or Not
Kate Swatridge
Your 36-week scan looks fine, they confirmed.
Baby is very healthy. As are you.
We suggest that you are induced on your due date.
I frowned.
But first babies are usually late. I’d prefer to wait until she’s ready to come out.
You’re old, they said, there are general statistical risks.
I went home and Googled for studies, evidence, facts.
Risks, first baby, going beyond due date,
fibroids, maternal age 41 years.
I read and re-read papers,
pored over percentages and sample sizes.
Your 38-week scan looks good, they told me.
How do you feel about being induced on your due date?
This time I was prepared.
But my pregnancy has been textbook, and the research shows no increased risk for women of my age until after 42 weeks, and the data shows I’m more likely to require an epidural and unplanned C-section with an induction than without.
At the next appointment we want you to tell us
at what point you would be prepared
to be induced, they said.
At no point, I thought.
But OK is what I said.
I phoned the midwife.
I don’t want a chemical induction.
I’m on your side, she said.
What can I do?
Hold them off as long as you can and try to persuade baby to come out!
Eat six dates a day, one study said.
Acupuncture, suggested the positive birth book.
Drink raspberry leaf tea.
I detest dates and faint at needles and don’t enjoy Rubus idaeus.
So I gagged and winced and held my nose.
Your 40-week scan is perfect! declared the consultant.
We’d like to induce you tomorrow.
I’d rather not.
So when DO you want to be induced?
Perhaps I could come in for monitoring?
And so every second day we let them
connect their machine to our bump.
We waited patiently for it to listen and finally proclaim
that we could carry on waiting, thank you very much.
Every other day. Every other day. Every other day.
Your read-outs are fine,
but you’re term plus eight days
so I’m obliged to call the consultant, the midwife said
as she wheeled away the machine
for the fourth and not-quite-final time.
The duty consultant appeared from behind a curtain.
We’d like to book you in for an induction.
My baby’s not ready.
But there are general statistical risks.
I understand, but our stats are fine.
My baby’s not ready.
It’s been nine days now, Kate.
We’d like to induce you tomorrow.
Don’t you know there are general statistical risks?
I do, and I give in. I’m tired of fighting this.
Disappointed, exhausted, apprehensive,
we arrived at the appointed hour.
The Induction Room seemed blasé;
it had seen it all before.
Embattled mothers-to-be
succumbing to the force of data.
Others who had had enough
of the metaphorical and literal enormity of the whole thing.
Yeah, yeah, so what? the mundane walls and dated fittings muttered
as I saddled up
for the journey of a lifetime.
***
Ready or Not by Kate Swatridge appears in the Mothership Writers anthology Dispatches from New Motherhood. All 50 pieces from the book will be published here over the year to come, creating an online library of what it really means – right here, right now – to be a new mother.